“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32
The Cost of Holding On
Have you ever heard the story of the monkey who reached into a lion’s cage to grab a piece of fruit? His hand fit through the bars when empty, but once he grabbed the fruit, he couldn’t pull it back out. No matter how hard he twisted and turned, he couldn’t free himself. The lion, noticing the monkey’s foolishness, devoured both the fruit and the monkey’s hand.
This isn’t a story about a monkey needing to forgive a lion or vice versa. It’s a lesson about us—about how holding on to resentment can be devastating to our joy and peace.
How many times have you held onto an offense, unwilling to offer true forgiveness because you felt justified in your bitterness?
The Burden of Unforgiveness
An older gentleman was once asked why, as a forgiven child of God, he was still so angry. He responded by listing offenses from fifty or sixty years ago, seething with rage over injustices—both real and perceived. He carried these offenses like trophies, reminders of what he had endured. But instead of being empowered, he was imprisoned by unforgiveness, robbed of joy, peace, and the testimony of God’s goodness in his life.
I, too, can get caught up in past wrongs. The enemy loves to parade them before me, tempting me to dwell on them like an irresistible offer. But then I remember the ultimate injustice—what Jesus suffered on the cross. He forgave, and so must we.
The monkey lost something valuable that day—his hand—because he refused to let go. Likewise, our power doesn’t come from clinging to past offenses. True strength lies in releasing them.
“Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others”. Colossians 3:13
Instead of waiting for an opportunity to forgive, how about striving to not be easily offended in the first place? Scripture teaches that it is wise to overlook potential offenses and be patient with others.
Many times, I’ve called a friend to apologize for something I said, only for them to be completely puzzled. They hadn’t taken offense, so there was no need for forgiveness.
“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11
When Confrontation is Necessary
Sometimes, we have caused offense without realizing it, or we’ve been hurt without the other person knowing.
Scripture tells us how to deal with that as well. It is called the Matthew 18 principle.
If someone sins against us, we are to go to them in private, (notice, we are not to go to everyone else first… that is gossip) make them aware of the problem, and work towards restoration. In this case, the instructions are to believers who need to confront another believer’s sin.
Later in Matthew 18, Jesus shares the Parable of the Unforgiving Debtor, teaching us that we must forgive much because we have been immeasurably forgiven. God never asks us to do what He hasn’t already done for us.
Forgiving Repeated Offenses
What about people who continually hurt us? Peter had this same concern. After hearing Jesus preach about forgiveness, he asked:
“Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”
“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!” – Matthew 18:21-22
However, it’s important to note that Jesus didn’t say Peter had to continue doing business with someone who repeatedly wronged him—only that he had to forgive.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating abuse, staying in an unsafe environment, or remaining in an unethical situation. The Bible instructs us to flee from evil. Sometimes, walking away requires just as much faith as forgiving.
Living with a Forgiving Heart
As believers, our attitudes should be marked by forgiveness. When we approach each day with the awareness of how much we have been forgiven, it becomes easier to extend grace to others. But if we live ready to take offense at every little thing, we rob ourselves—and those around us—of the peace and joy God offers.
It all starts with the Be-Attitude of our hearts. We can choose to be forgiving or to be bitter. And bitterness is no way to live.
A Call to Action
What past offense do you need to let go of today? Ask God for the strength to forgive and walk in the peace He has promised.
Having a heart of forgiveness is not a one time action, it is an ongoing choice to release the hurt and surrender it to the one who can heal your heart.
Forgiveness isn’t just for others—it’s for you. Will you choose freedom today?
Meditate on how God would have you offer forgiveness while listening to this song, Forgiveness, by Matthew West
Heavenly Father, Thank you for who you are and what you have done for me. Thank you for your forgiveness that you have given me, so that I can forgive others. Please help me to know when I need to seek forgiveness and reconciliation and give me the grace to forgive. In Your Precious Name, Amen.
For further reading:
Forgiving What You’ll Never Forget by Dr.David Stroop
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